I feel great
I just peed on a car
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
