he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
