yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
