first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We're too hungover to prance.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
