You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
