i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
