Your face is a jimmy john
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
