it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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