in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
