I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
