I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
