I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Life is so much better after having sex.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
