If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
