i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
