I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
