everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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