I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
