ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
