I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
