Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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