First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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