don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
