This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I looked at my own cervix.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
