he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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