Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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