we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
