I bet he comes in French.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
sex in a hospital.. check
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
