so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
