If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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