brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
