I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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