he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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