Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
