you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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