bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
