operation have a gay friend backfired
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
