ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
