Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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