So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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