when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Of course I have a pirate flag
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
