fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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