He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
