So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
