bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
