Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
