Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
