she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
