I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
