would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
