my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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