This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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