mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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