I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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