and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
