That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
