a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
