nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
