shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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