Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
