It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
